I try to find reasons to be mean!

there were many events that happened during my childhood that show up in my mind and get me thinking if that somehow affected my personality. guess i should stop reading Freud... (actually I don´t... just thought it would be something nice to mention) I´m sad... but my sense of humor is always around lol
Today I saw this aunt, actually not really aunt. shes married to my uncle so i call her aunt. She called my mom to say she was coming here and her daughter wanted to talk to me. i thought they would borrow my camera then I analised if she deserved to get my camera lol
I didnt want to lend it... that might sound mean but honest at least.
Then this reminded me of the day this aunt got married with my uncle.. I was going to be her bridemaid. (over here bridemaids are kids) I was so excited it was almost a dream to wear a nice dress and walk along the church carrying the wedding rings... and also I was already too old for being one. guess i was 6 or 7... and I had a chance for doing that... it would be great!
then, in the last minute,they said I wouldnt go, they found someone else...
I dont remember much from that day, I just can see myself crying lying on the sofa. a poor little girl having a big disappointment... who was the other little girl? some cuter kid? with a better dress? I guess I didnt go to watch the wedding... also remember my mom trying to make me feel better... Don´t know why things like that come to my mind... but well, she doesnt deserve my camera! thank God she asked something. something I could say yes easily cause I´d have a hard time saying yes or no for my camera! lol