Trying a new way of life!!!

How can something loose its own essence? is that possible? My essence is passion! I have this passionate soul, wich I don´t know if it´s a gift or a misfortune. It might seem cute in other people´s eyes but painfull to my poor heart!
Thats why I decided to become this cold hearted monster who uses the heart just to bomb its blood to the rest of the body =P
jeez....

sometimes i make questions which I previously know the answer. sometimes I take some actions which I already know the reactions. sometimes I let myself go into when I know how hard is going to be to get back.
People around find me clever, some say im strong... I guess im better pretender. I dont tell the mistakes I make and dont show my tears, at least not as often...
time passes by in a non stoping way and im still here wondering wht I was made for.whats my goal... I know my desires, my wishes, the things that make me breath deep... but getting these things is a hard task.
Am I strong enough to go through life? or life is just going through me?
When I find things that would probably make me happy, I find out they are further than the distance tht sepates us...